Transforming Your Relationship with Failure
Transform your relationship with failure into one of growth, resilience, and creative freedom.
A while back, I saw a clip of Ed Sheeran on The Howard Stern Show that stuck with me.
He talked about failure and how he learned from it. He even played an early song that wasn’t very good, and just laughed about it.
It was cool to see an artist be so open to being imperfect.
So many of us struggle with failure. But Ed has a healthy relationship with it.
I think this is something he learned unconsciously in childhood. He can laugh at himself without letting mistakes define his self-worth.
Many of us don't have this kind of relationship with failure, and avoid it at all costs.
The Creative Process
Failure is a natural part of the creative process. You can’t avoid it.
If you expect perfection from the start, you’ll set yourself up for disappointment.
If your self-worth is tied to achievements, failure can be proof that you’re not good enough.
Before you even realize it, you might see yourself as a failure instead of seeing it for what it is, an opportunity to learn.
Fear of Failure
The fear of failure is just a protective mechanism. It protects us from deeper feelings like disappointment, shame, or the feeling that we’re not enough.
It’s trying to keep us emotionally safe.
But the problem is that this fear can stop us from creating. It keeps us from speaking up, trying out new ideas, taking risks, and learning.
Get Curious
When we don’t have a healthy relationship with the internal parts that protect us from failure, we can get stuck.
A good place to start is to ask yourself, “What is this fear protecting me from?” It’s often not the failure itself, but the feelings and beliefs attached to it.
Understanding and befriending are the first steps to building a healthier relationship.
Instead of seeing failure as proof of your worth, look at it as an opportunity to learn. When you can see mistakes for what they are, you free yourself to be creative again.
The path to great work runs through messy and imperfect work. Just like Ed Sheeran, the only way to get to the good stuff is to create the bad stuff first and learn from it.